Dreams
by Lioneh
Summary: 39/100: 'Dreams'. Genesis reminisces about his mistakes...wondering why he had been driven to the point of insanity. - Genesis POV, stream of consciousness. - 100% yaoi/cursing free! - Genesis non-yaoi one shot.


**Disclaimer: Genesis Rhapsodos and all other things relating to Final Fantasy VII belong to and are property of Square Enix AND NOT TO ME XD;**

A/N: Whoa, okay. Before you start reading, this is set just before Genesis awakens in the flooded carvern beneath Midgar. I wrote this in less that an hour...it was kind of a 'OMG I HAVE AN IDEA LETS START WRITING.' And it turned into this, so enjoy :D

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39/100: "Dreams".

_My dream…was to become…a hero._

_But where am I now?_

…_what am I doing? _

_These dreams…they've all been lost long ago…_

_A monster replaced the person that I once was…the dreams that I once had._

_I was driven to follow what a monster should; I wanted revenge…and to take the world with me, in the process. It amuses me now to wonder what I really was thinking…following a fool like Hollander. He proved nothing to me in the end…_

_I was led to believe that he could stop my degrading…I lost all my sense of self…my dreams…my honour…my pride, all out of my idiotic jealousy. Sephiroth…what have I done? I witnessed what he did in that little town of Nibelheim, but I thought nothing of it. I was so cold…so isolated. I needed someone to be on the same wavelength as me, but I…Sephiroth, it was my fault…he was driven to the point of insanity because of my reasoning. Not only did the degrading change my body, it changed my mind._

_I…I wanted so desperately for it to stop. The degradation, it was like dying every single day…a little part of my personality faded from existance as each day passed. And for that…my old friends…only tried to help. But I didn't listen. My pride of a SOLDIER was lost…and therefore, my existance had no meaning. Their concern for myself didn't even register…the degrading was all that I cared about. Project G…I wasn't the monster I became before I discovered it, but did knowing make any difference? If I had never known…never let my antagonistic feelings obscure my judgement of my friends…where would I still be?_

_Would either of them…Angeal…Sephiroth…would they have survived? _

_Would they have _lived?

_Because of my careless decisions…I have no one. I wouldn't count that sadistic, underground force of SOLDIER as anyone, either…_

_Ever since I had seen her…the goddess…something inside me changed. _

_Did she restore my state of mind? For some reason, I didn't take part in that rebellion. I had only just got myself back…my pride…and yet, I was still wanted for the goals of a monster. How could I agree to that? Something…told me to leave that opportunity alone. Was it…her?_

_I think…the goddess…she did something. It's funny…I think…I'm myself again. Except…I've lost so much. Angeal…Sephiroth…they're gone now. _

_I still like to ponder why I was sent hurtling back towards reality after my defeat…what was left that was worth living for? What did I deserve to be granted the right to live…? Perhaps, my purpose has not been achieved. That look the goddess…the life stream gave me…it cut into my soul deeply. A soul…that was corrupted by vengeance. It was almost as if I knew that already…it was my favourite quote at the time. All of a sudden, every single wrong that I had committed was known to me…I was horrified. Maybe…I'm meant to atone for what I've done._

_In some way, I think my duty of a SOLDIER is not yet complete. Originally…it was to serve for the good of the world…until the mako extractions started to damage the planet's life…_

_ShinRa wasn't going for what the planet wanted, only for its own selfish, money driven goals. ShinRa has become the enemy…to both myself…and the world. Maybe I should help the planet…after all…it was not responsible for making me lose my mind. The works of ShinRa…many years ago…created myself in the name of science. Failure…was my label. _

_Not anymore. I've got…so much hope now. Despite the devastating mistakes of my past, I want to change that. I'm not a monster anymore…I'm…Genesis. The goddess restored my soul…my sanity…and I have to make a commitment to repay her…the planet itself. I'm going…to fulfil my dream._

_My dream…is to be a hero, fighting for what the planet wants. _

_I am…the one who is left…who becomes a hero. _

_But…this is no dream…_

…_this is my reality._

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